There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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