If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
