She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
