i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
