Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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