I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
