He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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