life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize