dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize