HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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