Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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