doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
