So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
