I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
