I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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