i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
