I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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