you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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