I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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