I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
