She is in my trunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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