end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
