You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
