she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
