im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I am morally bankrupt
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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