I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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