i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
