Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
