so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can text with my tongue
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
