Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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