im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
