you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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