how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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