so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need a beard to bite.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
