When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
