dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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