How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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