I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
