You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
