a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
