you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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