Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
