actually, I'm a sock model
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
