I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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