Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Randomize
