if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We had to coat check the pizza.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
