If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
