I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
