Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
