I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
