Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
