I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
