at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
