you traded sex for a burrito?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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