woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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