Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize