you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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