i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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