I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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