Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
