Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
