Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
