kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
