I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize