everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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