if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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