ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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