4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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