Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
