that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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