Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
