he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
