I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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