Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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