i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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