If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
