Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
