Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
