My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
