can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
